Statement Pants

QUICK HITS
caleb and his apple stories, amirite? now it’s the airpods! and what’s this about the civil war movie? rafe ate bad bread! taxes suck. the word of the week is BANNOCK DEVICE. you know, the thing that measures your feet and the shoe store.

caleb and fizzle will be doing a final fantasy randomizer show!! and fuckin chinos, man.

HIGH LOWS
rafe’s high-low
high: spirit city: lofi sessions
low: turbo tax UGH

caleb’s high-low
high: home stuff
low: airpod amazon theft

HOT HOT TOPICS
– there hasn’t been a lot going on in get-fit-or-die-trying and I hope people are staying healthy.
– have you ever thought you were average or below average at something only to find out you’re actually well above the norm and were just utterly oblivious?
– would you work an extra hour a day if you were allowed a 2 hour nap during the work day, where no one can disturb you?
– what is the worst accommodation you’ve ever stayed in temporarily or while traveling? last weekend I stayed in an airbnb I’m convinced was incredibly haunted with the ghost of orgies past. on account of the amount of cuck chairs in each bedroom.
– belt loops! because of my weight loss, I’ve had to buy a bunch of new clothes. pants only have five belt loops now as opposed to seven or eight. it is different and difficult to get used to when putting on a belt.

WILLIAM H. MACY
NEXT MOVIE – jerry and tom (1998) (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120867)
caleb 6.5/10
rafe 6.5/10
NEXT SONG – rafe is tom and caleb is jerry
catatonia and space – the ballad of tom jones

NEXT MOVIE – the con (1998) (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0119865)
NEXT SONG – songs that have “con” in them

No Meat in Those Cookies

QUICK HITS
rafe is playing a new game called chook & sosig and you should buy it when it’s on sale!
https://www.gog.com/en/game/chook_sosig_walk_the_plank

phrase of the week is WET SOCK.
caleb saw the devil movie with the scientist! and got a massage! it was weird. MOUTH IN THE HOLE.
world of warcraft PLUNDERSTORM and city of heroes events!

itunes is dumb and hates its users. apple is the worrrrssssstttttt.

HIGH LOWS
rafe’s high-low
high: chook & sosig walk the plank (2019)
low: heat

caleb’s high-low
high: d&d
low: everything else

HOT HOT TOPICS
– every dog has its day, but does every day have its dog?
– what makes home made better than a skilled chef in a restaurant?
– so if we are getting a super release of sex crazed zombie cicadas, does this mean that they will pass that std to all the non infected cicadas? is this the end of non zombified cicadas?
– does anyone know where you can buy a giant zombie cicada costume? asking for a friend. that’s not actually my hht. my question is, what’s an insult you’ve received that you’re proud of?
– I’ve heard of furries, but what do we call consty’s people in their cicada costumes? crunchies?
– who is your natural predator?
– what’s worse: having the internet just down, or having the internet go down for 10 to 15 mins at a time? asking in hopes of a better day 4
– how many times did you hear all or part of the song “total eclipse of the heart” on monday?
– cicadas are coming out of hiding after 17 years so they can have sex then die. do you know a person or persons who fits this lifestyle?
– certain breeds of cicadas used to only come out every 10 years in certain parts of the world. but recently they have been coming out every summer. do you think climate change has to do with that? also, idk where you were during the eclipse but did anyone else hear the cicadas chirping during the eclipse then as soon as it was over they stopped?
– I can be the only one who sometimes feels like hiding in a hole for 17 years like a cicada.

WILLIAM H. MACY
MOVIE – colin fitz lives! (1997) (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0118873)
caleb 5.1/10
rafe 4/10
SONG – living
fall out boy – get busy living or get busy dying

NEXT MOVIE – jerry and tom (1998) (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120867)
NEXT SONG – rafe is tom and caleb is jerry

Ice Cream Should be a Utility

QUICK HITS
caleb is very passionate about net neutrality and what it means to have internet as a utilty. his ma is moved! and is there a vacation in the near future? hmmmmm. and bruh. there is SO much drama around the mcdonald’s ice cream machines it is BONKERS. https://getpocket.com/explore/item/they-hacked-mcdonald-s-ice-cream-machines-and-started-a-cold-war

HIGH LOWS
rafe’s high-low
high: easter time
low: easter candy

caleb’s high-low
high: mom moved
low: crazy drive

HOT HOT TOPICS
– why is it called “doggystyle” when it just as easily could have been named after another animal?
– hotdog recipes?
– in your opinion what is the best looking dog in the akc?
– we should un-fuck the selectively bred dogs with more selective breeding. i.e. pugs that can actually fucking breathe properly
– who is the best wingman? and why is it a dog?
– I like dogs and most of them like me. sadly, I am allergic. but I want to pet all the dogs. sometimes it is worth the suffering.
– let’s assume hugh everett III’s theories on parallel worlds are correct. what did we domesticate instead of the humble dog in an alternate universe? are there now parks where you can let your pet bear run free? are we playing fetch with a silverback gorilla? is the old saying now “you can’t teach an old alligator new tricks”?
– small dogs aren’t dogs, they’re pests.
– ESA don’t exist. theres no reason your purse dog should be in a restaurant or grocery store
– what dog breed are you? (find an online quiz?)

WILLIAM H. MACY
MOVIE – wag the dog (1997) (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120885)
caleb 5.75/10
rafe 5.75/10
SONG – dags
grandaddy – stray dog and the chocolate shake

NEXT MOVIE – colin fitz lives! (1997) (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0118873)
NEXT SONG – living

Sometimes I’ll Put Those in My Mouth

QUICK HITS
chickfila adds antibiotics to their chicken!
https://www.allrecipes.com/chick-fil-a-changes-antibiotics-policy-in-chicken-8620507

try your best to NOT use plastics. it’s for your own good.
https://www.popsci.com/environment/plastic-chemicals-are-inescapable-and-theyre-messing-with-our-hormones

the francis scott key bridge in baltimore fell.
https://www.wbaltv.com/article/baltimore-bridge-collapse-death-toll-francis-scott-key/60319030

HIGH LOWS
rafe’s high-low
high: dentist
low: college class

caleb’s high-low
high: family time
low: baltimore key bridge

HOT HOT TOPICS
– what is the grossest point you’ve watched?
– has there ever been a hht that you intentionally skipped? should the hosts get a veto?
– a person recently accused me of following her and threatened to call the sheriff because I park my car near her house every day. I park there because it’s my son’s bus stop. how should I handle it if she accosts me again?
– I had an it issue at work on monday. I waited until tuesday to call it to fix the problem and the it team member thanked me for the courtesy of not calling the first day of the week. it is never too soon to be on the good side of the it department.
– will the book of baltimore the unabridged? or will it be cut short?
– why did we always have to find algebra’s x? seems a bit obsessive, doesn’t it? maybe algebra should go and do the therapy or something?
– topic harder: ruin (or improve, I guess) one movie by replacing the lead with zach braff portraying jd from ‘scrubs’.
– will the book of baltimore be translated in the distant future through the use of ‘hon’?
– what’s the longest you have gone without food? why?
– what is caleb doing for opening day? is rafe in mourning for the loss of winter and the return of the sun?
– car repairs suck. my car is old and I have needed to repair or replace a lot of parts in the last six months. I’m starting to get sick of sinking money into the car. it is 16 years old so it may be time to replace it soon.
– there was a fun office space easter egg in the sexual harassment training video at my new job: the scenarios take place in the corporate accounts payable department at initech.
– how often do you have dessert with a meal?

WILLIAM H. MACY
MOVIE – boogie nights (1997) (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0118749)
caleb 6.5/10
rafe 4.5/10
SONG – make you wanna boogie
duke ellington – it don’t mean a thing

NEXT MOVIE – wag the dog (1997) (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120885)
NEXT SONG – dags

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