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That is Assault

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QUICK HITS
banning gas stoves? what?! we got that victorian slang, that belated birthday wish, that belated christmas movie (NO SPOILERS) review, that angry rant about pierogi, and some buzzfeed stuff about ladles. also final fantasy randomizer and rafe and caleb fight about fighting.

HIGH LOWS
rafe’s high-low
high: monkey island
low: work

caleb’s high-low
high: final fantasy randomizer
low: pierogi

HOT HOT TOPICS
– if you are a low level peon working in a financial role and they decide to just dump all the responsibility of the multi billion dollar companies 1099s on you are they confident in your abilities or looking for a scapegoat they can tie a rock to and watch drown then blame for all the companies failings?
– dani is the best, ever, of all time
– why can’t our species, like, hibernate?
– what’s the best way to handle a game of office-wide incompetence hot potato at our sister location? asking for a very angry bad cop office manager.
– why are people not afraid of being put through walls anymore? running your mouth has almost no consequences these days.
– how are you gonna tell someone that they can’t go on terminal leave, because they didn’t submit for it in time
– we recently purchased the shark version of a roomba. does that make us lazy?

JOHN CANDY
MOVIE – dave thomas: the incredible time travels of henry osgood (1986) (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2005191)
caleb 2/10
rafe 2.75/10
SONGS – time travel

NEXT MOVIE – armed and dangerous (1986) (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0090660)
NEXT SONGS – caleb is dangerous. rafe is armed

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2023 And Me

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QUICK HITS
happy new year. welcome to 2023. we have birthday wishes, christmas stories, victorian slang, and some light complaining. the complaining is mostly about #75hard. mostly. we hope you’re all taking care and setting good goals for yourself this year. #adulting come join our discord and hang out and give us hot hot topics and stuff.

HIGH LOWS
rafe’s high-low
high: christmas
low: WORK

caleb’s high-low
high: christmas
low: airport

HOT HOT TOPICS
– are we allowed to have hope yet?
– christmas isn’t the best holiday. I will not be taking any questions.
– have you ever been sued by hot topic over the use of the name?
– will the orchestra playing FFVII and FFXV music this weekend in NYC be as incredible as I think they will be? the answer is obviously yes
– what’s an old saying you want to come back? whats one that should stay dead?
– to what end does complaining about a long hold time benifit you? I mean you finally got a human on the other line, and your first thought is: Imma bitch about holding for so long. then, when you finally quit bitchin, you are mad that you cant do things the way you want to due to a change in policy to provide better security for you.
– how long would you let a friendly co worker crash on your couch before you gave up on them actually being an adult and getting their life together
– going to a funeral on your birthday: wacky coincidence or dire omen for the year?
– favorite cold entrée.

JOHN CANDY
MOVIE – the canadian conspiracy (1985) (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0285470)
caleb 4/10
rafe 3.5/10
SONGS – canadian artists & favorite 2022 song!
the guess who – these eyes (1969)
masayoshi oishi & yukari tamura – koi wa explosion (opening from love after world domination, 2022)

NEXT MOVIE – dave thomas: the incredible time travels of henry osgood (1986) (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2005191)
NEXT SONGS – time travel

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2022 Year End Review

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QUICK HITS
this episode has everything. holiday concert reviews, hip problems, coffee and water obsessions, and the movies you should definitely watch for the season: guardians of the galaxy christmas specia, muppet christmas carol (with extra song), and home alone.

HIGH LOWS
rafe’s high-low
high: SWAGMASS #teamRIB
low: the weekend

rafe’s 2022 high-low
high: twitch streamer
low: covid

caleb’s high-low
high: muppet christmas carol
low: hip

caleb’s 2022 high-low
high: strong marriage
low: father passing away

HOT HOT TOPICS
– the classic xmas movies – are they really that classic or is nostalgia just super heavy this time of year?
– as crappy as things can be, we aren’t completely boned.
– nah, we’re completely boned.
– I wish to see our government grow a few braincells and realize that a life insureance policy that is focused on making sure your family can put you in the ground without having to beg on social media is not a money gaining scheme and stop screwing over folks who require gov aid to live.
– in the long line of “good ideas” where do you put “coming to the ugly christmas sweater themed christmas party in a skimpy dress and loudly complaining that the person you want to sexually harass isn’t there”?
– how do you survive being one of like three sober people at a company christmas party?
– “elf” is getting worse and worse on how it holds up. back in the day as a kid it was the bomb. but it’s started becoming cringe more and more as the years go by.
– how is it somehow everyone elses fault but yours when youmake the choice to NOT read the packet of info detailing the $40 monthly payment you just signed up for and suddenly you realize that there are problems with it?
– 2022 was a year full of really shitty things that happened. it also was the year in which I experienced some of the best moments of my entire life. formal request for 2023, more of the latter, less of the former. pretty please and thank you.
– if you can’t beat them, why would you join them? that just sounds like bad philosophy. imagine if hitler won ww2.

JOHN CANDY
MOVIE SPECIAL FOR CHRISTMAS!!!
MOVE – home alone (1990) (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0099785)
caleb 9/10
rafe 9/10
SONGS – rafe is alone; caleb is home
neutral milk hotel – gardenhead / leave me alone
even mentions snow!

NEXT MOVIE – the canadian conspiracy (1985) (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0285470)
NEXT SONGS – canadian artists
next ep, 2022 favorite song!

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The Cookie Episode

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QUICK HITS
caleb and rafe take a bit of time on cookies because it’s the holiday season! also more food, the keystone pipeline political corner, ONE PUNCH MAN, computer bullshit, and tongues. yes, tongues.

mythica: stormbound is successfully backed! keep an eye out for it in the next couple years. you can check out details kickstarter: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/arrowstorm/mythica-stormbound

HIGH LOWS
rafe’s high-low
high: return to monkey island
low: no snow, face battery

caleb’s high-low
high: 5k
low: BSOD

HOT HOT TOPICS
– the moon: far away and really big, or freaky small and closer than you think – following you, always
– what more important in a metroidvania – the metroid or the vania
– is the chalupa overrated, underrated, or properly rated?
– corn or flour tacos?
– do y’all ever watch podcast movies out of order? If so, we watching home alone on Sunday?
– should we still stick it to the man if he happens to enjoy it
– why do I feel like I’ll disappoint the TAPS people if I end up homeless?
– you ever get those days where you start off fine but at some point your brain starts to smooth gradually for the rest of the day?
– have you ever just wanted to run away from it all and become bob the builder?
– what’s the best way to acknowledge criticism from your boss about your toxic workplace behavior, and why is it loudly yelling about the email out loud and threatening to sue your workplace for discrimination (because you have ADD)?
– what’s the best way to market a house in an undesirable location so some sucker lucky new owner buys it?
– ever been in or broken up a fight? real actual I want to hurt you fisticuffs.
– what do I do when rafe takes away my comfortable routines (like HHTs on wednesday, my dudes) and promotes anarchy? How am I supposed to live in this chaos without mass hysteria?

JOHN CANDY
MOVIE – volunteers (1985) (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0090274)
caleb 5.5/10
rafe 5/10
SONGS – volunteering
David Kincaid – the irish volunteer https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nkpk0-0cfVU
“‘The Irish Volunteer’ is a song honoring the ‘Fighting 69th’ Irish Brigade, a legendary infantry unit composed of Irish-Americans that fought for the Union during the American Civil War. The brigade played a major role in several major battles such as Antietam, and the volunteers suffered some of the highest casualties of the war.”

MOVIE SPECIAL FOR CHRISTMAS!!!
MOVE – home alone (1990) (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0099785)
SONGS – rafe is alone; caleb is home

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